On A Date

Hi All

It’ has been way too long since my last post, my computer caught a virus and when the doctor got it cured I had lost some information like how to get to this site for posting plus school was a little busy. Since my last post I had a book published called “My Girlfriend”, it’s an unedited short book through Author House.

Anyway, what’s this about a “date”? It really wasn’t my date, I just ended up with them. A friend of mine called me up and asked me to meet her, I always enjoy meeting with her so I meet her at a local club. When we met she informed me about this blind date she was meeting. She said she felt a little nervous about the date and the fact that she had us meet at the club and sort of sprung the date information on me at the last minute. I told her anytime she needed me to just call and as long as I am in town I will do my best to be there for her. I admit I was a little curious about the situation and even though I would be the third wheel I was looking forward to it.

We left that club for a few moments and went to another club to see what was happening there. We had a drink, visited with the bar tender and visited with a couple of other ladies before going back to the first club. We went in and sat at the bar and ordered our drinks. Shortly after getting our drinks my friend’s date came over and asked if she was his date. We all shook hands and did the usual “hi there” greetings.

A little bit of time passed and he asked if we wanted too get something to eat which we both agreed it would be nice to have something to eat. We went to a local restaurant and we had a nice long visit. I thought he was being very gentlemanly and polite the whole evening. He did ask me out when my friend went to the bathroom and I reminded him that I am married. I was flattered that he found me attractive yet at the same time he was her date, what is it with guys.

The rest of the evening went very well, we went to another club, I danced with my friend and with a couple of other folks and then we ended back at the first club. While we were at the second club I took my friend in my arms and whispered to her that she should go out again with this guy and this time leave a pair of panties for him to find or just give them to him before they parted. She gave a look and said that I had a deviant mind; still she thought about, we both laughed over that idea.

I’m not sure she’ll be seeing him again, I enjoyed it for the moment and thought about what it would be like for someone else to take me out on a date; I am not so curious to be looking. I enjoyed the experience and will be there for my friend if she every needs me.

Sandra

Out in Amarillo

Hey Girls, just to let you know what it’s like going out in the daylight in Amarillo. I know on other post, blogs and forums everybody is always talking about going out at night. They talk about some of their “close calls”. Yes, when you first step out of your front door and into the great outside it gets very nerve wrecking. You’ve heard all the other stories and then someone sees you and it all comes crashing down because of fear. The person that just drove by or walked by you doesn’t really see you as you.

Once you get by these initial frights the world begins to open up to you as in the rising sun opens the world. I did, many years ago, go out at night. Then I thought about the stories from the other sites and realized that it wasn’t the fact they went out as much as where they went. I would not go to a redneck bar full of homophobics to begin with so why would I go there as me?

Yes it does help to have some idea of how you should behave in public, dress, walk, body language, what to do if? and basically be a woman. That’s one of the reasons for a support group ladies. This gives you the chance and opportunity to learn about yourself and how to be yourself.

Okay, I know out in Amarillo. Yes I go shopping at the mall, girl has to have clothes. I have found many stores accepting of my money. When the sales clerk realizes this is a purchase and in the dollar amounts that help their commission, they are extremely friendly. These businesses are in business to make money and those who have some kind of high moral, which is mislead, usually do not last very long when they discriminate against anyone.

Because of my, and our, odd sizing plus the style I wish to project I usually shop in the upper end stores. These clothes are of better quality and when I shop the sales racks and the clearance racks I end up paying about the same as you would in discount place. The dressing rooms at the upper end stores are cleaner, nicer and they have more of them. I get person attention from the staff. My favorite place is Dillard’s and there are a couple of ladies that I like to deal with and we have developed a very cordial customer to sales clerk relationship. they know I am there to shop the sales, see the new styles coming out and that if I don’t buy it that day that I’ll be back to get later.

Now I don’t just go shopping, I go out to eat. I go where I want to go. I did go with some friends to one place that I was a little concerned about. I went and I went with the attitude that I am who I am and I am a woman. We had a good visit with the owner before we left and I did not experience any negativity.

Speaking of attitude, this is the most important thing of all. This is the thing you should put on first before you caress. When you do go out, go out with the attitude that you are in the right place, you are there for a reason (even if it is shopping) and if those persons have a problem with you it’s their problem not yours. Just remember Flip Wilson as Geraldine and all the attitude she had.

I’ll be back later, hopefully not as late as my last visit, and I’ll visit with you ladies more about being out and about.

HUGS Sandra

Out in LasVegas

Last year I went to Vegas for a TRI-ESS Holiday En femme. I had a wonder time and spent the entire time as Me. Besides meeting a lot of new girls from around the country I had the chance to see the town. If you’ve never been, WOW, it is really neat to see all the stuff there. Yes I did see the La Cage show while I was there and afterwards we had a chance to meet Frank Marino who portrays Joan Rivers.

On the last night several of us went out and we generated a crowd wherever we went. Some folks go to Vegas to see the sights, we go and we are the sights (LOL). I lost count of how many poses with and without those who came up to us for a photo opp. We stayed up all night, returned to the room long enough to pack and change; for that trip I traveled in butch mode.

While waiting for the flight I overheard a lady talking about the “Drag Queens”she saw the night before, if she only knew how close she was to one of those “Drag Queens”. I just laughed to myself, I had my nails done and they were still painted. When we got on the plane I passed out from exhaustion. This trip made a big difference to me about being ME and the need to reach others.

I’ve got more road trip stories to share later.

HUGS Sandra

KD Lang :: major talent, cool crossdresser

I saw KD Lang on Leno last night and was struck once again by how cool she is. I’ve always loved her music. She has such a powerful, incredible voice. Gives me goosebumps. Plus, she has wonderful taste in music, always delivering something unexpected, intelligent, beautiful and memorable. As far as I’m concerned, she is one of North America’s finest vocal talents and has been for a long time. She deserves greater fame than she gets.

I was impressed anew last night by KD’s appearance and fashion sense as I watched her perform (in bare feet, the same way I dance!). As any fan probably knows, KD came out of the closet as lesbian years ago and has made no effort to conceal her sexual orientation in ensuing years. To the contrary, I’d say KD is unabashedly butch, at least in appearance, and she pulls it off with a lot of style and class. I suspect that her outing may have limited her career somewhat — how else to explain why she doesn’t get more airplay? — but I applaud her honesty and courage. And I can’t help observing, if KD isn’t a crossdresser, who is? *

If you’re not familiar with KD and her music, I’ll do you a favor. Here’s an old video to give you a taste of just how wonderful she is –

* If I haven’t been accurate in characterizing KD’s orientation or used the right terminology, hopefully one of you F2M boys will help me out.

The muxes of Mexico

An interesting article recently appeared in the New York Times (online version) about TGs in Oaxaca, Mexico. Maybe that’s where I need to be! I do believe the time is coming when a reasonable facsimile of such tolerance will exist in American culture. Here’s the article (I added the photo):

A Lifestyle Distinct: The Muxe of Mexico

Mexico City — Mexico can be intolerant of homosexuality; it can also be quite liberal. Gay-bashing incidents are not uncommon in the countryside, where many Mexicans consider homosexuality a sin. In Mexico City, meanwhile, same-sex domestic partnerships are legally recognized — and often celebrated lavishly in government offices as if they were marriages.

But nowhere are attitudes toward sex and gender quite as elastic as in the far reaches of the southern state of Oaxaca. There, in the indigenous communities around the town of Juchitán, the world is not divided simply into gay and straight. The local Zapotec people have made room for a third category, which they call “muxes” (pronounced MOO-shays) — men who consider themselves women and live in a socially sanctioned netherworld between the two genders.

“Muxe” is a Zapotec word derived from the Spanish “mujer,” or woman; it is reserved for males who, from boyhood, have felt themselves drawn to living as a woman, anticipating roles set out for them by the community.

Anthropologists trace the acceptance of people of mixed gender to pre-Colombian Mexico, pointing to accounts of cross-dressing Aztec priests and Mayan gods who were male and female at the same time. Spanish colonizers wiped out most of those attitudes in the 1500s by forcing conversion to Catholicism. But mixed-gender identities managed to survive in the area around Juchitán, a place so traditional that many people speak ancient Zapotec instead of Spanish.

Not all muxes express their identities the same way. Some dress as women and take hormones to change their bodies. Others favor male clothes. What they share is that the community accepts them; many in it believe that muxes have special intellectual and artistic gifts.

Every November, muxes inundate the town for a grand ball that attracts local men, women and children as well as outsiders. A queen is selected; the mayor crowns her. “I don’t care what people say,” said Sebastian Sarmienta, the boyfriend of a muxe, Ninel Castillejo García. “There are some people who get uncomfortable. I don’t see a problem. What is so bad about it?”

Muxes are found in all walks of life in Juchitán, but most take on traditional female roles — selling in the market, embroidering traditional garments, cooking at home. Some also become sex workers, selling their services to men. .

Acceptance of a child who feels he is a muxe is not unanimous; some parents force such children to fend for themselves. But the far more common sentiment appears to be that of a woman who takes care of her grandson, Carmelo, 13.

“It is how God sent him,” she said.

Katie Orlinsky contributed reporting from Juchitán, Mexico.

Fascinating. If you are as intrigued by this as I am, tons of information can be found on Google, Flickr, YouTube and a number of blogs. Thanks to Susandrea (a GG) for posting the article on the crossdressers.com forum.

Stepping out, part III

Now that we’ve laid the groundwork of examining why a TG might wish to explore the world beyond her own domicile, as well as some of the obstacles to doing so, I want to wrap up this series by going over the nuts and bolts of going out. For someone who has been out for awhile, this stuff may seem fairly obvious, but if you’re new to all this you probably have a lot of questions. Don’t let that bother you — trust me, we all had the same questions and concerns at one time or another. Some of us had to figure things out through trial and error, often going it alone, but we’re more than willing to share what we’ve learned in the hopes of paving the way for your own adventures.

In order to simplify this discussion, I’m going to assume that you have not yet elected to fully transition to full-time TG status, and that you may not ever do so. Right now, you’re essentially functioning as a part-time mtf or ftm crossdresser. There can be a lot of subtle and not so subtle pressure within the TG and gay communities for a crossdresser to take things to the “next level” in her appearance and behavior, and to out herself completely to the world, damn the consequences. If you are in a position to do that and have duly weighed the potential consequences, that’s great. But if you’re like the vast majority of TGs, you have to balance this aspect of your life with other obligations and responsibilities that cannot and should not be taken lightly — things like family, job, community, etc. “Balance” is the key word here, and don’t ever let anyone, including you, make you feel bad for being mature enough to maintain that balance. But by the same token, you shouldn’t let the need for balance and discretion delude you into thinking you have to hide in the closet the rest of your life. As we shall see, that just ain’t so.

About the Group

You’ve heard mention of the “Group”, well let me tell you about it.

First: for the new sisters or brothers, I offer to meet with you outside of the group in a public place like a restaurant. I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog I know, still it needs to be reiterated. I know of a couple of places we can meet, one in particular that is very accepting of us. If you have a spouse that would like to join us they may and if they would like my spouse will be glad to join us. This gives you a chance to meet me during the day and at a public place. You come as you are, there is no need for you to be any more uncomfortable then you already are. Most girls have a ton of butterflies when we meet and afterwards when they’ve had a chance to ask questions they find it’s very enlightening. One of the reasons for meeting outside of the group is for screening. It is our goal to keep and have a safe meeting place.

Second: when you do come to a meeting you can come as you are and if you want to change clothes after you get there we do have a place for you to change your clothes. I try to get there about 30 minutes early for those who need to change clothes. The group is open to you of course, your immediate family or those who have a desire to learn more about us and will support us. If you feel safe with having a friend there then bring them.

During the meetings: We do plan to have various topics at different times and these topics will depend on what the group is needing at that time. The main emphasis’s is support and this will always be up for discussion at every meeting. We will share information about other groups which we have visited or have regular contact with. We will discuss any new topics in the news concerning TG’s. We will try and have any information about any upcoming events near or far to us. Of course we will discuss anything to do with clothing, make up, shoes, wigs, nails and hair removal.

Meetings other then scheduled: This is getting together for a bar-b-que, make-overs, going to the club which for those who want to go we usually go after a group meeting or a rod trip. We are planning a make-over evening in the first part of 2009 and a road trip about late spring time. I’m always up for a shopping trip. We do have sisters from out of town that come through and we always try and get together for at least lunch and a visit.

As you can see the group is for support, a place to be with others like you, discuss what’s on your mind, hear the stories of the great adventures from your sisters that are out and about and to learn more about yourself. We do have a referral if you need to visit with a therapist. The group is facilitated by TG’s for TG’s. We are like you and we cover a good range of the spectrum. You are not alone. This is not a place to pick up dates, go to the clubs for that if you must.

HUGS Sandra

“OUT” defined

In our community the word “Out” has so many connotations. I want to cover of few of the ways we us the word “out”.

First: The phrase “I was outed……” This is when someone outside of the community reveals the fact that you are who you are. This could be a Friend of whom you confided in, pissed off girlfriend or someone you are dating or even if someone just happens to figure out it’s you being you. The later is one we’ve all worried-worry about. I have accepted the fact that I am recognized as a man in a dress some of the time. I do see and hear a lot of questions like “Is that a man or a woman?”and I do get referred to as being a woman. The main thing I was going for was not to be recognized as my butch self and I have manage to do that. I will discuss this in more detail in another blog.

Second: going out and about…This is a term used when we go out as our true selves. Whether it be shopping, dinner or whatever we do we do en femme.

Third: “I came out”……This is when we start to tell not just a few select people, this is when we begin the journey of telling all our friends and our work about our true self. This might be a certain date where we through a party and invite all we know and announce to the world we are TG. This could be something in which we begin to tell others one at a time and it may take a couple of years to get the word out. For some they will tell everyone except their parents, while others their parents are the first to know. Telling the parents is something that only you can decide when and how to do. For many TS their therapist require that they tell their parents before they can even start Hormone therapy. No matter what, you are the one that should decide on when, if at all, you come out to the public. You still owe it to yourself to be with others like yourself. That’s what the group is for, to be with others like yourself; no we will not force you to do anything that you are not ready for or comfortable with.

Forth: “I go out to the club”…..This one refers to exactly what it says. I went out to the club last night and thats the only place they went….home-club-home, that’s it. Occasionally this might include going to a very early breakfast after the club closes.

I go out and about regularly and I am in the process of coming out or should I say blossoming. I’ve really been surprised by my acceptance from those I’ve told and met.

HUGS Sandra

About the Group

Hi All

There are those of us who can go to other places and find people like us for the interaction we seek. Then there are those of us who can not travel or who have no idea where to even go if they did travel. With the price of gas this past year no one could really afford to go too far or even on a regular basis to any place. The nearest group from Amarillo is about 250 miles, I’m only able to go out a few times a year to other cities due to other commitments. The fact that we are so far from any other group is the main reason I begun this group. The demographics alone shows there are about at least 2,000 of us here in the panhandle. Yes that’s correct 2,000. You see you’re not alone. The main purpose for the group is to get us connected no matter where you are in the spectrum, be it just wearing a few articles of clothing or post-op TS. The biggest hurdle for any TG is stepping out of the house. The nice thing about the group is you don’t have to do anything except come as you are, no need to dress up and no need to worry about anything just come and be with others like yourself.

I offer to meet for the first time with any sister or brother outside of the group at a public place like a restaurant. This gives you the opportunity to visit with me one on one and or bring your spouse along too. I am married and my spouse will be glad to join us if need be. You just come in your natural mode, there is no need for you to feel any more uncomfortable then you feel already. I do use a place that is very receptive of us and they have great food.

At the meetings we can talk about anything TG you need to talk about, whether it be how to, what, when or help topic. Between Sherri and I we can answer just about any question. We are planning to have different topics at various times during the meetings, anywhere from how to techniques to visiting Doctors from different fields.

Email me and let’s talk, Sandra

Stepping out, part II

No discussion of coming out of the closet is complete without talking about the barriers, the things holding us back and burying us in the closet if we let them. These hindrances are serious and can only be dispelled by putting them out on the table and talking about them. They must be serious — why else would so many of us languish in lonely misery, longing for acceptance and companionship but too afraid to do anything about it? Some of our fears are based on false assumptions, while others are legitimate. Let’s take a look at them and see if we can separate myth from reality and figure out what to do about both.

First let’s list some of the common reasons for hesitation:

• Fear of divulging our secret
• Social stigma
• Fear of disapproval and ridicule
• Fear of scandal and alienation
• Fear of misunderstanding
• Fear of harassment
• Fear of hurting those we love
• Lack of self-confidence
• Assuming we have to “pass”
• Not knowing where to go and what to do
• Fear of going it alone
• Disapproval of a spouse or significant other (SO)
• Confusion about sexual orientation
• Fear of losing control
• No interest

Hmmm, that’s a pretty formidable litany of obstacles. On second thought, you’d have to be crazy to even think about coming out. Let’s forget the whole thing.

Just kidding. Let’s press on. But before we do, I want to make an important point: